I layed over there, listening to the man I loved for five years. The man I thought loved me, was a monster, who couldn't even spare his own child. I couldn't move, couldn't speak. The medication still haunted me until I couldn't hear anything.
When I opened my eyes, I wanted to run away from the castle I thought was my home, but was a graveyard for my baby. I tried to get up only to be held by Edan.
He stood by my side, saying in a soft voice, “Honey, your body is too weak to move. Keep laying for sometime.”
I turned to look at Edan. His eyes were swollen red. A hint of guilt and regret?
No, it was a feign act of remorse and grief as he held my hands, his voice trembling while whispering my name in a low voice, “Ramona…”
“You couldn't save my child! He was not breathing when he came out of my womb.” I said, my tone indifferent. Edan was taken aback with my response.
He hesitated for a long while before he finally managed to speak, “H-How do you know, Ramona?”
‘That’s because I heard you, Edan. I heard what you planned to tell me after killing our child monstrously,’
“I had a feeling,” I said, my voice still distant.
The lines of curve from Edan’s forehead loosened as he leaned closer to me, saying, “The child… he was too weak, Ramona. Doctors did their best, but they couldn't save him. Maybe, God has given him only that much time to live.”
‘No, it wasn't God’s will, Edan. It's you who wrote his fate before he came to my womb. You planned this eight months ago. Have a little shame to blame God for it. It's not God, it's you who killed my child,’
I cursed him in my mind, but said nothing.
After a moment, I raised my head from my stomach to look straight into his eyes. I smiled faintly as I said, “It's okay, what's taken is already taken. Let's not talk about him. We can have another child later, can’t we, Edan?”
I saw a moment of uncertainty in his eyes as he quickly moved his gaze off my eyes. While avoiding eye contact with me, he said, “You are right, Ramona. You are still young, and can have as many kids as you want.”
“Are you sure, Edan?” I asked, “Will you let me?”
Edan’s eyes flickered. He looked up at me with anxiety written all over his face.
“Why are you talking like this, Ramona? Why wouldn’t I let you. I too loved our child as much as you did. I didn't take you to the hospital because I didn't want to take the risk. You know everything about my profession, Ramona. How can you doubt my intention?”
He said, his voice laced with sincerity. But, only I knew his words were as hollow as the love he pretended to have for me.
He then came near me and supported me to sit while leaning over his shoulder as he pushed a tablet inside my mouth, saying, “You should take painkillers. It will reduce your pain and let you sleep comfortably.”
‘You just killed my child and now you won't even let me be a mother in future. Why was I so blind to see how cruel you were, Edan?’ I thought, staring at his desperate eyes.
After making sure, I gulped the medicine and didn't throw up, he smiled in satisfaction.
“Good girl,” He appreciated me for being obedient to him, “Now, take your rest, Romana and don't think too much. Everything will be alright. We will come through this together.”
After throwing out these words, showing how concerned he was about my health, he stood up, saying,
“Ramona, I have a few things to handle. I’m going to punish those who stopped me from taking you to the hospital. It's because of them that we lost our child. Just wait for me, Ramona! I’ll be back after avenging our child.”
Another lie!
We both knew how my child died. He was the murderer himself and now he was in a hurry to see the child for whom he strangled his own blood.
He waited for my response, maybe waiting for my approval, but I looked up into his eyes and asked, “Where is my child, Edan?”
“Wh-What? What do you mean, Ramona?” He asked nervously. I could see the panic in his eyes.
“I want to see his body, Edan,” I said, my voice trembling, “I want to see what he looked like. I want to… hold him in my lap for one time.”
His Adam’apple moved up and down. For a moment, I couldn't understand the expression he wore. But, his eyes were moist. However, the next words coming out from his lips were like a reminder to me of his lies and deception,
“I ordered my men to bury him already. I didn't want you to look at him and feel sad, Ramona. I love you so much and I can't see you crying, remembering how distorted our son looked.”
I clenched my fists in anger. Was killing his own child not enough for him that he had the audacity of insulting my dead son like that?
‘You killed my child and now you don't want me to even have a look at him, Edan. You are such a liar. I heard Doctor saying how beautiful my baby was!’
The truth was he didn't want me to look at the scars on his body and discover his monstrous act. That was why he didn't even let me have a look at him.
