The next morning, I did not find my husband on the leather sofa where he had slept the night before. I did not waste a single thought on where Lorenzo had slipped away to in the gray hours before dawn. It was not the first time, and it would not be the last. He would return to the estate when the night was already old, smelling of someone else's perfume and someone else's certainty.
Nico Bellini, his personal courier, called the house line again and again, his voice tight with the particular dread of a man who knows the underboss has vanished and that the absence will become his fault. Lorenzo had not appeared at the social club. There was a sit-down he had skipped, business of the Family left to dangle. Nico cleared his throat twice before he admitted it to me, as if the words themselves might earn him a punishment. I told him I didn't know. That was a lie of omission, the only kind of mercy I had left to give. I knew exactly where Lorenzo was. There was only one place his thumb would have steered him this morning, only one orbit that ever pulled him out of the Family's reach. He was somewhere with Vittoria Falcone. Most likely behind the frosted glass of an obstetrician's door, watching over a child that the entire underworld would soon learn was his.
I was going somewhere that morning, too.
I had made the appointment in a flat, careful voice, the way a woman places a bet she already knows she has lost. A car carried me through the territory's quiet streets to the hospital, past the awnings of front businesses the Family owned and the corners where soldiers loitered like ornaments. By the time I was lying back on the narrow bed, the procedure was finished before I had fully understood it had begun. A few minutes. That was all it took for the child to no longer be inside me. A few minutes to unmake the one thing I had let myself hope for. The ceiling above me was white and merciless, and I stared at it and felt nothing, which was its own kind of terror.
Not long after, I was standing in the line to settle the bills, my hand resting against the ache low in my body, when I bumped into two familiar figures. My husband. And his first love.
Lorenzo's eyes found me, and the warmth in them curdled at once into something accusing. "Adriana?" His voice carried that low Moretti edge, the tone that made other men flinch. "What the hell. Do you really have to follow me here? Are you stalking me now?"
I let my gaze slide from him to her. Vittoria would not meet my eyes. She lowered them with the practiced grace of a woman who has spent her life being looked at, and then she turned the whole moment inside out. "Lorenzo, don't accuse her like that." Her hand drifted up, fingertips grazing her collarbone, that small tell she could never quite swallow. "Do you really think she'd follow us? We're here for the baby. Adriana understands the situation. Don't you, Adriana?"
She had done it so cleanly. With a single sentence she had moved the weight of the room onto my shoulders, the way only a Falcone could, the way her bloodline had been taught to maneuver since the cradle. I could only laugh, a dry, brittle sound. "Of course. You're just here for a check-up, and I happened to be here too. I'm not following anyone."
Lorenzo must have mistaken my calm for defensiveness, because his temper broke its leash. He shoved me, the words hissing out of him. "Dio, Adriana, stop inventing things in your head. She's practically a sister to me."
I had just come out of surgery. My body had nothing left to brace with. The shove sent me staggering, and then I was on the cold floor of that public corridor, and pain tore through my lower abdomen so sharply that my vision whitened at the edges. A sound escaped me before I could stop it.
Vittoria was at my side in an instant, all tender concern for the watching strangers, her arm hovering over me. But over her own shoulder, where only I could see, she gave me that mocking little curve of the lips. She scolded Lorenzo with her mouth and smiled at me with her eyes. I pushed her away, sick to my stomach with the nearness of her. I tried to drag myself up against the wall, and that was when she folded down beside me, one hand pressed dramatically to her belly, gasping as though she were the one bleeding.
Lorenzo lunged to help her. He gathered her up like she was made of spun glass, and then he turned the full force of his fury on me where I sat on the floor. "Fuck. If anything happens to her, I swear, Adriana, you will regret this."
Cold sweat slicked my skin. Pain rolled through me in slow waves while my husband cradled his first love and threatened his wife on a hospital floor. And in that white silence, with the line of strangers pretending not to watch, a strange, clear calm settled over me. Perhaps I had made the right choice after all. Perhaps it had been mercy, not cowardice, to refuse to bring a child into this. A man who could not love his wife would never have learned to love her child either.
When the car finally brought me back to the villa, I climbed the wide marble stair alone and shut myself away from the household. I sat in the dim with my phone, meaning to write something, to put my own small word out into the world. And that was when I saw Vittoria's latest post instead.
It was a photograph of a man's back. I knew that back. I had memorized the set of those shoulders across seven years of an alliance union, the line of that spine in the dark. It was Lorenzo. She had captioned it with the kind of soft cruelty that needs an audience: [Having a man who loves me makes me feel so safe.]
The comments beneath it were all from Lorenzo's crew, the soldiers he had run with since boyhood, the men who toasted at the Family table.
Dante Rizzo: [That back doesn't look like your husband's, eh?]
Gino Marchetti: [Nice work! You've won your goddess back.]
Vincent Russo: [So the kid comes from this one. Congratulations!]
I could picture them, raising their glasses at the club, oblivious or pretending to be, the betrayal of two bloodlines passed around like a good vintage.
My husband stepped in to scold them, in his fashion.
Lorenzo Moretti: [Easy, boys. I'm only helping out. You trying to drive my wife off?]
The moment he posted it, the others liked his comment and went silent, the way soldiers fall quiet when the underboss raises his hand.
All except Dante. He had never once bothered to hide his contempt for me. [Come on, brother, don't put on a show. She's not worth it. Just cut her loose. You've been with Vittoria since you were both kids, and every man in this Family knows you've never been able to let her go. Stop lying to yourself.]
Dante Rizzo had been Lorenzo's right hand since they were boys throwing rocks at pigeons in the old neighborhood, and he had despised me from the first day I was brought into the Moretti name. He thought I was beneath the Family, not beautiful enough, not bred for it, not a Falcone. Whenever I entered a room he would spit to the side and look away, that small daily contempt he never tired of. To him I had never measured up, and I never would.
For seven years I had let Dante say whatever he wished, swallowed it for Lorenzo's sake, for the sake of an alliance I had still half believed in. But I could speak for myself now. The word divorce, the severing of the union, had taken shape somewhere deep beneath my breastbone and was no longer something I could pretend away.
I felt the wedding band on my finger, and I twisted it once, slow, around and around, the way I always did when the composure I wore like armor began to crack down the seams. Then I steadied my hands and I typed my reply, and I left it there for all of them to read.
Adriana Moretti: [Don't worry. That's coming very soon.]
Then I chose two photographs. The ultrasound, the small gray shape that had been mine for a handful of weeks. And the certificate from the procedure, cold and official and final. I posted them together, and beneath them I wrote four words that closed a door I would never open again.
[Finally letting go.]
