Finnegan still followed me up the stairs, keeping a cold gaze on me as we slowly ascended. There wasn't a hint of pity in his eyes at all.
"If you knew this would happen to you earlier, you should never have pushed Colette down the stairs. You'd never have ended up like this."
I was tired of trying to explain myself. I was tired of struggling. Finnegan's voice floated into my head, and suddenly, his voice no longer sounded familiar to me. It was as if he was nothing but a stranger.
He might have been part of my childhood growing up, but now, he was no longer the Finnie whom I knew. He was just Finnegan Churchill, nothing more.
"Keep going," he ordered.
I was just about to lift my legs when the pain got so bad that I couldn't help but fall backward.
While falling down, I quickly grabbed onto the steps beneath me as ferociously as I could. I never even noticed that I'd dislocated or broken at least half of all my fingers.
I couldn't afford to fall down the steps. If I did, I would have to climb all the way back up again.
Finnegan didn't even bat an eye. He just glared at me coldly, giving me a look, as if chiding me for trying to act pitiful with him to gain his sympathy.
Tears streamed down my face. I admitted defeat and started climbing back up again.
"I was wrong… I was wrong…"
The sound of the gong was loud and crisp at the top of the mountain. The chapel yard was quiet, and the multiple statues there finally peeked out at me without revealing themselves completely.
Finally, I took the last step and reached the top. I couldn't even stand on my feet anymore and lay on the ground like a shriveled-up earthworm.
It hurt. The pain was excruciating and went deep into my bones.
However, I only paused long enough to catch my breath. Then, I dragged myself over to a large tree in the chapel yard, crawling on all fours under Finnegan's scrutinizing eyes, and looked up.
There were tons of white ribbons tied onto the tree branches, and there was writing on each of them.
This was known as the Wishing Tree, its branches full of wishes from visitors and believers alike. There were barely any leaves left on the branches, the long ends of the white ribbons flapping gently in the fall breeze.
Nonetheless, the tree still looked tall and majestic against the brown foliage on the mountains in the back.
When the workers saw me and Finnegan there, they headed toward us.
"Miss, are you okay?"
I didn't answer them. Instead, I just continued staring at the tree with a faraway look in my eyes.
Finnegan didn't seem to think that there was anything wrong with my disheveled state. He completely ignored me and told the worker, "Hello, I would like to make a wish on behalf of my fiancée."
The worker gave us a weirded look. Then, he brought Finnegan into the chapel to pray and light up a candle inside.
I stayed under the tree, recalling the past when I'd hung white ribbons on this tree each time I came.
"I wish that Finnie will stay healthy forever!"
"I wish that Finnie will have a smooth and uneventful life!"
"I wish that all of Finnie's wishes will come true!"
"I wish that Finnie…"
I had prayed to the deities and made so many wishes on Finnegan's behalf in the past.
I leaned to the side and finally took a glance at my knees. My jeans had torn at the knees, leaving two gaping, bloodied holes in the fabric. I could actually see some streaks of white through the torn jeans as well.
No wonder my knees had hurt so much. As it turned out, my flesh had already rubbed away, exposing the bones beneath.
I didn't care that half my fingers were all broken, dislocated, or throbbing in pain. I did my best to put my hands together in a praying posture.
Just then, Finnegan returned with a white ribbon in his hands, along with the worker.
"I wish that Finnegan and Colette will be together forever."
This line sounded too familiar to me. It suddenly tugged at my heart in such a painful manner that I couldn't breathe.
After he was done writing his wish down, the worker then helped him tie it onto the tree branches.
He then glanced down at me and thought my position looked ridiculous.
"Winter Brooke, you'd better be praying for only good things to happen to Colette."
I looked at him weakly and realized that there was now a vast ocean between the both of us. Finally, it dawned on me that I'd been wrong all along.
The person that Finnegan loved had always been Colette. That was why he always chided me when I was younger yet took extra care with her. He would rather believe that Colette has been the one looking after him during those three years under the false pretense of my name.
I could never replace Colette in his heart.
I was wrong. I should never have met Finnegan. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him.
There were too many regrets, as many as the countless fleeting moments we used to spend together.
I thought, "Dear God, if you're still willing to listen even if I have no white ribbon to make my wish, but on the account that I'd prayed to you and lit up the candle so sincerely many times in the past, please grant this final wish of mine.
"I wish that I, Winter Brooke, will no longer have anything to do with him, Finnegan Churchill, for the rest of our lives, or even the next life if there is one."
